At The Jumpstart

"Stay foot right…Keep the soil on felt."
I was’nt able to create this earlier. But i have all of the compositions in my head and heart. As much as possible, i wan’t it all to stay inside my body so that nobody can hurt me, just me , i only find the authority to destruct my substances in nobody but my great self.
To my jumpstart, i need no more introduction, "ayaw ko ng ligoy effect". Today, i declare a start of my emotional calendar, where there are no mondays to sundays’ days’ names , instead, I’m gonna call it " the WHAT I FEEL TODAY’s casting of the entire daily dones…
Now, i got my self a "no important annnakou feeling" . I worked hard for the complete 8 hours not to get bored and suddenly find myself longing for someone,(and i think that’s an established fact that i am of a no importance existence).
Then came another feeling inside me, one which is fighting over the other. It seemed to justify all the bad beliefs and entoxicate those poisons out of my head.Erasing my spoiled belief that i am not devalued, i just walked away then.
One hand is keeping a grasp of his remains, the other waves a farewell. Both of it, quite reasonable on where they hold on to and why they keep ignoring the other side of them.
Why i continuously smell his path when all that is left is his pictures in my thoughts? Why still, i kept calling his name when he never wanted to hear my sound anymore. Why do i have to learn im turned down when i still contrast on it. I’m such a sadistic human, i get the worth by pain. I am slowly dying of it but i keep on living on this hell. I know i’ve got nothing to keep but i still open my wrapped persona to other people whom i undoubtfully offer my life like he was God.
Dear you, i have nothing to give you back from all forms of kindness you are sharing me. All i have is my soul and faithfully i am always here for you. I don’t know why, but i keep on standing here in front of you, though in your eyes, i’m such a ghostly form. I want you to know i’m alive. I’m not a friend and not your enemy as well. I don’t please anybody but you…can you tell why is it all wierdly happening to my life. I want to run away, but even in the fastest escape i make, it always leads me back to your world. Even if i keep my lies on my strongest alibis, i am always revealedin your white and clear sight. My favorite color is GREEN but you turned me liking BLACK and BLUE. Dear you, my world is completely UPSIDE DOWN.
Whenever his eyes deliver a glance, i always hope it is meant for me. Whenever he planned out something wonderful, happy and romantic, i hope he makes me a part of it. Whenever he would run away from all of his worries, nightmares and sorrows, i hope i could bleed on all of it for him, i’d rather get hurt instead of him to feel all disgraces. He’s been to so much of tragic steps and walks, but i wish he could let me step or walk on those, beside him. But on what he tought me from it all- PAIN MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND AND HARD.